


today and tomorrow

by catslikekenma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grocery Store, Angst, Cutesy, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24196798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catslikekenma/pseuds/catslikekenma
Summary: Akaashi takes his sweet time in loving Bokuto; today, tomorrow, and the rest of his life.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	today and tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Thank you so much for deciding to read my work! I appreciate it very much <3
> 
> For additional feels, may I recommend you [_This Love of Mine_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebBAZXDitt4) by Frank Sinatra. I've made use of this song in the story as well.
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading! I really, really, appreciate it and cherish it from the bottom of my heart. I hope you enjoy!

Akaashi had all the time in the world.

He can definitely dedicate ten minutes of his morning just staring at the face of the man that laid right next to him. To say he was beautiful would be an understatement—and cliché—Akaashi opt to say he looked like the love of his life. He was sure of it.

He brought a finger up to Bokuto’s face, gently tracing over his delicate features. From his white eyebrows, to his pointed nose, and down to his soft lips. Akaashi smiled to himself. He was beautiful and he didn’t even know it. Bokuto shifted a little in his sleep, his eyebrows furrowing a little before Akaashi’s thumb gently straightened out the creases he had on his forehead. His hand then moved to gently cup his cheek. At this, Bokuto’s eyes opened the slightest, half-awake as he spoke,

“Keiji...your hands are soft…”

Akaashi loves him. 

He loves the way Bokuto’s spiked up hair droops whenever he’s sad, loves the way he could hear Bokuto’s laugh from a mile away, loves how simple yet so profound this man could be. Bokuto made him genuinely happy, even if he wasn’t trying. He made Akaashi feel treasured and protected with the way his strong arms wrapped around him every night when they went to bed, and every morning when Akaashi woke up. 

He loved Akaashi even when he couldn’t love himself. Akaashi was never verbal about these things, of the dark corners in his mind that tell him all the worst things about himself. Bokuto seemed to always know, for some reason. He felt it in the way he tenderly kissed him, how he snuggled his head against Akaashi’s neck lovingly, his arms wrapping around him as he whispered ‘do you wanna hear a joke?’ like it was the most romantic thing in the world. 

And it is, for Akaashi. Every attempt to make him smile, whether it was intentional or not, meant the world to him. Bokuto was always trying, even if he denied it, even if he tried to play it cool. He was always trying his best that he could for Akaashi, and that was always more than enough to make him think that maybe, _maybe_ Akaashi was worth it. 

Bokuto was the love of his life. He claimed it. He _is_ it.

He was loud all over, from the way he talks, to the way he laughs, even when he’s asleep. The small voice of mumbled words and incoherent sentences, of ‘keiji’ and ‘love’ past his slightly parted lips, of soft snores and excessive movements in bed. It was the little things, Akaashi had to admit. He held onto them like tiny treasures in his box of memories.

_“This love of mine, goes on and on…”_

The music played softly through the speakers. The sound of the automatic sliding doors could be faintly heard throughout the grocery store. Wheels squeaked quietly as Akaashi gently pushed his cart through the aisle he was in, taking his sweet time to look around as he did.

_“Though life is empty since you have gone…”_

Akaashi reached out for something, he wasn’t sure what it was but he grabbed it anyway and gently placed it in his cart as he continued to let his eyes roam around the fairly empty store. His mind was wandering from place to place, jumping from one possible scenario to another. He was careful of something. He always was, for some reason. He tried not to mind the music and the memories it brought back with it. He had gotten fairly good at that, disassociating specific things from specific memories. After all the years that have gone by, he mastered the art of not yearning for someone.

Akaashi slowed his steps down before he completely stopped.

Has he?

And maybe destiny was a little cruel. Or fate? Really, it didn’t matter. Akaashi was supposed to be used to it, to all the irony and bad timing for how long he’d been played by the circumstances but the way he stopped himself from walking halfway through the aisle of condiments and spices at the same time his heart stopped beating proved just how unfair life truly was. It will never be on his side.

_“It’s lonesome through the day, but oh, the night…”_

There he was, slouched over at the far end of the shelves, deciding between two kinds of barbecue sauces, Akaashi guesses. His hair was all white now, and his hands were slightly trembling, Akaashi could tell from afar how weak his grip had gotten. Akaashi watched as he put the other sauce back on the shelf and proudly put the other one in his cart. 

He must be having meat for dinner, specifically beef. Akaashi wonders if he still had his old grill, or maybe he had already gotten a new one for how long it has been. Akaashi thinks for a moment and he realizes it was Friday: _Yakiniku_ day, as he would call it. Akaashi’s heart ached a little at the way he still knew what Bokuto liked, why the contents of his cart doesn’t seem like the best option for someone his age — but Akaashi understood. He wasn’t supposed to, but he did. He always did. 

He remembered how much the man with the white hair hated healthy food because they were apparently ‘overrated’ and bitter. Akaashi remembered how their laughs sounded together on a Friday afternoon, how they held hands while they waited for the beef to cook. He could still hear everything—the sizzle, the dumb jokes, the ugly laughter. It was like a song he couldn’t get out of his head, stuck on repeat for the rest of his eternity. Akaashi remembered — clearly, without a hint of doubt.

Akaashi didn’t know how to forget.

_“I cry my heart out, it's bound to break…”_

He probably still listens to rock music because he claims they’re “cool”, and he still most likely hates horror movies but loves to watch them even at night, how he probably still hates sleeping alone but he had no choice ever since Akaashi left him. Even if he tried to get the splitting image out of his head, Akaashi still saw it — how Bokuto’s on his side of the bed, curled into a ball under the covers as he clutched a pillow that once belonged to the love of his life. His quiet sniffs and sobs filled the room of what Akaashi used to call his home. Bokuto tried his best to be quiet, afraid of the unusual silence that settled over _their_ apartment and that every minute of his waking life he was reprimanded of the fact that Akaashi’s gone. He left. 

Why?

Where did it all go wrong?

“Excuse me! Yes, you!” 

He was still as loud as ever, his voice echoing throughout the rest of the aisle and the empty void in his brain that seemed to have lost everything it has ever thought about. Akaashi admitted that he wasn’t in a good place — he didn’t know how long he spaced out in the middle of the aisle until a familiar voice had slapped him back to reality. For a moment, his heart dropped at the thought that Bokuto might have spotted him and called out to him, but he slowly let out a quiet breath as he saw a store employee approach him.

_“Since nothing matters, let it break…”_

Akaashi could hear what they were talking about from where he stood. He was asking about the price because the tags got mixed up and that he wanted to make sure he got the right one. The store employee checked for him as he explained that his eyesight was getting worse by the day and maybe soon enough, his wish of wearing an eye patch on both eyes would be granted. It made the store employee chuckle. A simple gesture of kindness but it made Akaashi’s heart crumble right into his hands. 

Sure, Bokuto had a voice that seemed to belong to the giants and a laugh that felt like it was a rumble from the earth, but he was polite. He greeted strangers with a kind of smile that would unconsciously make them smile back. He was the kind of person that could make anyone laugh within the first few minutes they’ve met him. He was precious, brimming with charm and kindness paired up with his genuineness and it was one of the many reasons Akaashi had fallen for the guy with the dumb jokes but a heart of gold.

Gripping the handle of the cart in his hands, Akaashi turned the other way before it was too late. He couldn’t do this. Not now. Not ever. He blinked furiously, trying to stop the tears in his eyes that threatened to fall on his cheeks. He pursed his lips to stop them from trembling, preparing to betray him and call out to the love of his life.

The love of his life.

_“I ask the sun and the moon…”_

_Koutarou._

_Koutarou._

_Koutarou._

The words are on the tip of his tongue, threatening to spill out like secrets he can never tell anyone but the pillows he murmur into in the middle of the night. It hurt him to keep his mouth shut when Bokuto’s right there, just within an arm’s reach. He wants to hug him, bury his face in his neck like he always used to and just fall apart. Akaashi wants to tell him how much he missed him — that he’s sorry for leaving, for letting him fall for someone who broke the promises he knew he wasn’t going to keep from the start.

But Akaashi couldn’t. Not in this lifetime. Nor the next one.

Bokuto loved living in the moment but never failed to let Akaashi know he was included in his bizarre idea of what his future would look like. They both dreamt of growing old together, spending every waking day in the arms of someone they loved the most. Akaashi wants to spend every morning just watching the love of his life sleep so soundly and beautifully no matter how creepy he may sound. He wanted to look after the man he adored, knowing that he’ll be growing old with someone who’ll hold his hand until his very last breath. 

They’ve talked about adopting children and pets, about buying a bigger place with their very own backyard and it was always how, when, and where. It happens randomly — during dinner when Bokuto’s mouth is full, when Akaashi’s taking a shower and Bokuto was talking to him through the door, when Bokuto’s in mid-sleep and he suddenly goes ‘Raidon?’ Another one of his suggestions for a baby name that Akaashi made sure he wrote down in a notebook that he left on Bokuto’s nightstand. Talking about the future made Bokuto so happy, the kind that makes him giddy enough to jump up and down from his seat. He was looking forward to the future — _their_ future and he’s planned it all, Akaashi knows _this_ much. It always made his heart flutter at the thought of forever with the love of his life, but it shattered him every time.

Akaashi wanted to be selfish, to dream and want the same things, to sit on a rocking chair on a creaky porch and look out to the sunset with Bokuto right by his side, as Bokuto had explained to him in detail. But he can’t.

He _can’t._

_“The stars that shine…”_

With his tight grip on his cart, he started to head to where the counters were. He wasn’t even half done with his grocery list, but Akaashi convinced himself he can come another day, that he can pretend today didn’t happen while he cried his heart out and convinced himself that it was just a bad day.

Just a bad day.

Akaashi’s knees were trembling not from old age, but from fear and sadness that he knew was about to come, as if it wasn’t already there. He was walking slowly, not wanting to trip and draw any attention to himself. He was grateful he was so close, so _damn_ close to the counter and all of this would be over. He can finally pretend it didn’t happen. He can finally forget.

“Excuse me!”

He forced himself not to mind it, pretending he didn’t hear, pretending he didn’t know it was him getting called out to but _dear god_ , no one else is in this part of the goddamn store and all the crates and the boxes of fruit and vegetables seem to be pointing at him. The world hated him. He knew this. He was given Bokuto Koutarou but they all knew damn well from the start how it would end—how it always did. Akaashi always promised himself that things would be different from what it was before but he always seemed to find himself in the same trap, with the same bait, with the same ending. Nothing has changed. Only the memories and the pain each of them brought him.

_“What’s to become of it…”_

The counters were like a finish line and he had a competitor just right behind him. _Just a little bit more_ , he thought forcefully. His legs won’t move faster. His heart was racing and his forehead was sweating despite the cold temperature that settled throughout the place. His hands were clammy and numb but he _can't_ stop going. 

_Go. Don’t look back._

“Hey.”

And that was it. The soft, warm, slightly trembling hand on his shoulder. Akaashi tried not to flinch, not to be rude, not to show any signs he was affected in any sort of way. He remained his stoic expression but he can’t hide the way his heart stopped beating at the contact. Suddenly, he felt the way he did years ago. He turned around in an instant, not like how the movies showed it—nothing was dramatic in the way they’ve met again, but it was special. He saw the old man with pure white hair from before, the same old man who stood at the end of the aisle deciding between two barbecue sauces. His hair wasn’t as spiked up as before, but there was an attempt in the way the spikes were smoothed out. He still looked beautiful, despite the wrinkles the years have brought to him.

He stared at Akaashi. His hand didn’t let go of his shoulder. Akaashi panicked, he wanted to look elsewhere—the signs, the apples, the ceiling—just not the one with the gold eyes and that empty look inside of them. He started to think of excuses and lies he could feed the old man out of sheer panic.

_I’m not from here._

_I’m not who you think I am._

_I just moved here from — somewhere._

_“This love of mine…”_

Akaashi looked the same. He hasn’t aged a year. His hair didn’t have white streaks in them, his face was as smooth as it could get and his hands remained their firm selves. There was no explanation for this. He can’t—

“Do I know you?”

It shattered him. 

Akaashi wanted to scream. He wanted to say yes so badly, so desperately, the word clawed and clawed right at his throat, begging to let the words out: _Yes, you’re the love of my life_. Akaashi wanted to tell him everything. All the mornings they shared, all the late night talks, the stupid jokes, the Yakiniku nights. 

He wanted to tell Bokuto that he remembers everything—that they cooked breakfast together and they burned it because Bokuto turned on the fire too high and Akaashi got distracted with his comments about toasters. Bokuto once forced Akaashi to buy nerf guns so they could play and that Akaashi was actually pretty good despite it being his first time to play. They once went on an unexpected road trip because Bokuto misread the map and made a wrong turn, but it was the best weekend they’ve had. It was just them trying to make their way back, their trip filled with kisses and ‘I love you’s’ and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Akaashi wanted to tell Bokuto _everything_ , how they pushed aside the coffee table and the couch in the living room, making just enough space for them to slow dance. They turned the lights off but kept the curtains open to let the moon watch two lovers cling to each other to what was going to be their last night. It pitied them, the moon. And so did the stars. They turned on the radio and _So This Is Love_ played softly in the background as Akaashi gently leaned his head on his shoulder, with Bokuto’s arms wrapped around his waist as he quietly hummed to Akaashi. He remembers closing his eyes as they gently swayed to the music, thinking how it was indeed, the miracle Akaashi had been dreaming of. 

_I love you._

_I love you too._

_“This love of mine, goes on and on.”_

The music had come to an end. The grocery store fell silent except for the quiet buzzing of the employees and a few of the shoppers that littered the different aisles. Bokuto was still touching his shoulder. Akaashi was still staring at him. He wanted to say a lot. About the hand on his shoulder. About the way his eyes had lost its sparkle. About how good he looked even after all these years. About how sorry he was for leaving him so suddenly. About how life was terrible without him but he needed to do it. About how Akaashi wanted to spend the rest of his life with him just as much as he wanted to, but Bokuto’s not getting any younger.

Akaashi remained the same.

It was a curse. To live forever. To never die. To watch the flowers grow and wither. To try and forget all the memories with the same person in different periods of time. To wait for the next one. To set himself up to the same love with the same person but in a completely different form, but it was him. It was him every time. It was a cruel game of the world, and Akaashi knew how to play but he kept forcing himself to lose just so he could fall in love with the same person over and over again, even if he knew right from the start it would always end like this. 

_Do I know you?_

The question rang in his ears. It bounced in the empty corners of his brain. All the words and memories that threatened to spill out of his lips had evaporated to nothing. There was nothing left to say, only acceptance of what’s about to come. His bottom lip trembled lightly as he opened his mouth to speak. With a heavy heart, he spoke in a quiet, gentle voice laced with sadness and contempt,

“I don’t think I’ve met you before.”

Akaashi saw the way his expression dropped. How the hand on his shoulder loosened before it fell back at his side, how his hair drooped a little, how his eyebrows furrowed the slightest and Akaashi almost reached out to smooth them out. Maybe he was hoping. Maybe he just felt embarrassed. Maybe he was hurt. Akaashi wasn’t so sure anymore. He needed to get out of there.

“I’m sorry. I have to go.” 

Akaashi forced every inch of himself to turn and walk away, no matter how much it hurt him, no matter how much it broke his heart. It was gone now, the memories. He doesn’t know anyone with the name Bokuto Koutarou. He doesn’t love him. He didn’t love him.

They were just two strangers in a grocery store.

Everything hurt. Akaashi had lost everything once again. He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with anyone, he promised himself this. But he did, and now he couldn’t stop doing it. He knew how this went. He'll be spending his nights alone in a different apartment, wishing he had listened to himself for once, wishing the pain would stop, wishing the memories were just dreams and fantasies his mind had made up to cope with his loneliness — but they were real. They never felt so real.

He’ll stop crying soon but he’ll feel empty. A hollow body with no soul nor heart. He’ll start to feel okay again. He’ll proceed with his life like he always did for god knows how long. He’ll start with a clean slate, pretend like the previous years of his life didn’t happen; make new friends, get a new job, learn a new skill.

Until _he_ comes along again.

He’s different now. In a different body, with a different name, with a different hair — but he still laughs the same. He still listens to rock music and loves beef to his core. He hates scary movies with a burning passion but watches them, nonetheless. 

Akaashi is going to fall for him and love him all the same, hoping that this time, things would be different.

He’s going to wake up ten minutes earlier than he usually does and just watch the love of his life sleep so soundly and peacefully. He’s going to use his finger again to trace over his features and think how beautiful he is. He’s not going to care about anything else, about the ticking clock, the seconds passing by — they didn’t matter.

Akaashi had all the time in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading aaaaaaaaaa!
> 
> Let me know what you think! Everything is very much appreciated, from the hits, to the kudos, to the comments--it matters a lot to me, so thank you very much!
> 
> I got addicted listening to old songs, so this is just a few of my recommendations if you ever want to listen to some. They helped me get through this fic along with videos of couples slow dancing to these songs, it just crushed my heart.
> 
> [ _This Love of Mine_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebBAZXDitt4) by Frank Sinatra  
> [ _So This Is Love_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C-pbKVuS70) from Cinderella.  
> [ _Strangers In the Night_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fd_3EkGr0-4) by Frank Sinatra  
> [ _Put Your Head On My Shoulder_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvxagNIBVLU) by Paul Anka
> 
> Writing this took me two weeks and had me going through different stages of pain and sadness because I couldn't get what I wanted to write and felt like all the words were wrong. I almost deleted this whole thing and redid all of it but my beta reader of course, wanted to read it first. After proofreading multiple times, I finally handed it to her and I'm so glad I did.
> 
> Feel free to let me know what you think! Again, thank you so so so much for reading!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](https://unknxwnspecies.tumblr.com/)! I've also decided to bring my Wattpad back to life, so you can find me [here](https://www.wattpad.com/user/catslikekenma) if you want to!


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